A.K.A. Read online

  “What’s up with that guy?”

  “You heard?”

  He nods. “Rocks on the moon heard.”

  “Sorry.”

  He closes his book and frowns.

  “What?”

  “I know this might sound paranoid, but I think he called the Morrisons.”

  “April’s parents.”

  “Yeah. Did I tell you their name?”

  “You must have.”

  “Hmm,” he says.

  “If you didn’t, Kat did,” I say, covering quickly. “You said you think. You’re not certain?”

  “No. I just can’t image who else it could have been. They told me some man called and said he was writing an article on suicides in Oregon.”

  I wonder if it was Peter. Making direct contact isn’t his style when doing his background checks, but….

  “I know her parents are grieving, but they need to let it go.”

  “Can I say something?”

  “Sure.”

  “You might not like it.”

  “Go ahead.”

  “Maybe it’s you who’s obsessed and can’t let it go. You and I are, well, we’re just getting to know each other, and you bring up the subject all the time. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing. I’m just saying maybe her parents aren’t the only ones who are having a hard time.”

  “You’re probably right. I tend to talk about her when I’m nervous.”

  “I make you nervous?”

  He nods. “You’re a very beautiful woman, Bri. I don’t think you get how beautiful.”

  “Maybe not. But that’s about all I have going for me. Why are you interested, other than for what I look like?”

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re smart, funny, and strong. And you know how to put Ethan in his proper place.”

  “I don’t know about any of that.”

  “You are.”

  “I’m not fishing for compliments.”

  “I know.”

  “Nor I’m not looking for—”

  “A relationship?”

  “Yeah. I was married right out of high school. I want to enjoy being just me for a while.”

  “I get that.”

  “Good. I just want to reinforce my wishes.”

  “I really did forget my tent.”

  “Okay,” I say and slip into my sleeping bag. “Can I ask you one more thing, and then we’ll let the subject go for awhile?”

  He turns off his headlamp and sets it between us. “Sure.”

  “Why do you think April shot herself?”

  “I don’t know. Why do you ask?”

  “I read somewhere that it’s rare for a woman to use a gun in that way.”

  “She bought a gun two months before she shot herself. I had no idea.”

  “Sounds like she planned it well in advance.”

  “I just wish she’d had more faith in us, in me.”

  I grab my backpack and remove my eye drops.

  He nods toward the eye drops. “I didn’t know you wore contacts. Do you sleep in them?”

  I would have taken them out if he weren’t sharing my tent. I can’t risk him or anyone seeing my true eye color. My contacts turn my unusual amber eyes into dark brown ones. “Yeah, I’ve worn them for years. Can’t see a thing without them.”

  “What about Lasik surgery? I had it done a few years ago.”

  “I looked into it. I’m not a candidate. Too much astigmatism,” I tell him, sticking word for word with the script. I yawn, signaling I’m done talking. “It’s been a long day, Tad. Let’s get some sleep.”

  He nods and turns off the small battery-operated lantern.

  I close my eyes and wait for sleep.

  “He’s in love with you.”

  I open my eyes. “What? Who?”

  “Ethan.”

  I laugh. “He hates me.”

  “I don’t see hate in his eyes.”

  “Could we not talk about Ethan for the rest of the trip? Or ever,” I say and roll over, giving him my back.

  “Gladly.”

  “And no more acting like a friggin’ Neanderthal.”

  He chuckles. “Deal.”

  “Goodnight, Tad Pole.”

  “Goodnight, Bri.”

  Determined to enjoy myself, and force Ethan to watch after Ronda, I make a declaration of independence at breakfast. “Thanks, Ethan.”

  He swallows a bite of his protein bar. “For what?”

  “For what you said to me last night.”

  His brow furrows. “What I said?”

  “Thanking me for watching out for Ronda. For helping her out.” I look her way. “He apologized for leaving you behind.”

  She looks at Ethan, then back at me. “He did?”

  I nod. “He told me he’s sticking to you like glue today.”

  She smiles at him. “You are?”

  He shoots daggers at me before he turns and looks at her. “Like superglue.”

  “Thank you, Ethan,” Ronda says.

  He looks back at me with his gun cocked. But this time when he shoots, I just smile and shake my head.

  I’ve learned something about Ethan on this trip; he’s a control freak. He needs to be on top. If you push him off and roll him over, he can’t handle it. Pussy.

  Gary bumps my shoulder with his.

  I turn and follow his gaze.

  “What do you think?” he asks and nods toward the water.

  I look out at the ocean. The wind has kicked up some good-sized waves. “It’s choppy, and I don’t care for those clouds,” I say and point toward the horizon.

  Tad joins us. “I think it’s best if we stay close to shore.”

  I nod my agreement. Tad might be grating and handsy at times, but he knows how to paddle.

  A worry wrinkle forms between Kat’s brows. “Let’s go over some basic safety procedures. Just in case.”

  Gary puts his arm over her shoulders. “We don’t have to continue, babe. You and I can stay behind. I’m sure we could find something to occupy us.”

  “Yeah, too bad we couldn’t bring our boards. I’d rather be surfing over those waves.”

  “That’s not what I was thinking.”

  She laughs. Score one for Kat.

  I look at Ronda’s worried expression and then reluctantly at Ethan. “Maybe you and Ronda should sit this one out.”

  “I’ll stick close to her. If it gets too difficult, we’ll pack it up,” he says without looking at me.

  I disagree, but let it go.

  We make sure our radios work and go over some basic paddle signals. When the wind’s blowing like it is, it becomes almost impossible for verbal communication.

  We load our gear.

  I get into my kayak, and Tad pushes me off.

  “Lead the way, hotshot.”

  I smile at him. “Okay, Tad Pole.”

  He laughs.

  And I swear to God, Ethan growls.

  We make our way down the coast. For the first two hours, we’re fighting the wind. Ronda and Kat struggle to remain upright. Just as I’m ready to call it, the wind shifts. Being superstitious when I’m on the water, I silently praise and thank the wind goddess for her gift.

  We don’t stop for our scheduled break, knowing the wind could shift against us at any time. Hours later, I spy the sea caves, our final destination. As I lower my paddle to make a turn inland, I realize I’m alone. I must have got caught up in the moment. It’s the closest I’ve come to sailing in years. The closest I’ve come to living.

  I drag my paddle, slowing my progress. When I see the others, I sigh in relief.

  Kat raises her paddle, signaling for me to get out my radio. I remove my VHF radio from its safety pouch and turn it on.

  “Showoff,” Kat says over the radio.

  “Slowpoke,” I respond.

  She laughs. “Heading in?”

  “Ten-four. It looks rocky. I’ll drag until you get here.”


  “Copy that.”

  Twenty minutes pass before they reach me.

  “Afraid of the rocks, Bri?” Gary asks as he glides up next to me.

  “No. But my ass is.”

  “Your ass could use a few scraps. Don’t ever paddle out of sight again. You scared me,” Ethan says as he sails passed us.

  His statement bewilders me. And by the look on everyone’s face, they feel the same.

  “What the hell was that?” Kat asks me as she passes.

  “Zero clue.”

  She catches up with Gary.

  I take out my water bottle and frown when I find it empty.

  “Here,” Tad says. “Take mine.” He throws it to me.

  I catch it. “Thanks.”

  “No problem.”

  I open it and chug it down.

  “Are you coming,” he asks.

  “In a minute. I need to hydrate.”

  He nods and begins making his way to shore.

  I finish the bottle of water and put it away. Then I pick up my paddle and quickly catch up to Ronda. I can see by the way she’s holding her paddle she’s hurting.

  “Feeling the burn?”

  “Oh God. Am I ever. Before the wind shifted, I thought I was going to die.”

  “I hear ya.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Is there something going on with you two?”

  “With Ethan?”

  She nods.

  “God no.”

  Her expression tells me she doesn’t believe me.

  “You care for him.”

  She plants her paddle, bringing her kayak to a near stop.

  I do the same.

  She sighs heavily. I don’t know if it’s from exhaustion or frustration. “I know it’s stupid. I know he’s not into me. But I can’t help it. He’s like….”

  “A flame.”

  “Yeah.”

  “How long have you known him?”

  “Not long. A few weeks.”

  This doesn’t surprise me.

  “Did you know he has a daughter?”

  I nod. “Yes, I heard.”

  “Her name is Lily. He showed me her picture. I think he really misses her. He told me he doesn’t get to see her. And I think it makes him….”

  “An ass?”

  “No. Sad.”

  “It would be hard to have a child and not see him or her, I guess.”

  She frowns.

  “What?”

  “It’s not that I don’t believe you. I just don’t understand it. If you don’t know him that well, and you’re not into him, why does he look at you the way he does?”

  I shake my head. “I can’t answer that. You’ll have to ask him.” I lift my paddle and push her off. “Let’s get to shore. My calves are beginning to cramp.”

  I remain a few strokes behind her. When Ethan wades out and pulls her to shore, her smile lights up her face. I wonder how many hearts Ethan Black has crushed. I’d say thousands.

  Not wanting to be out gallanted, Tad wades out to pull me in.

  I inwardly roll my eyes and lift myself ungracefully out before my kayak scrapes the rocks.

  He shakes his head.

  “Rocks,” I tell him.

  He helps me lift my kayak over the rocks and set it down near his on the sand.

  I wobble slightly on my sea legs.

  He grabs my elbow. “Sit.”

  I find a rock-free spot on the sand and sit. Then I stretch out my legs and begin to rub down my aching calves.

  “I’d be glad to do that for you,” he says as he sets my pack down next to me.

  “Thanks, but I’ve got it.”

  He nods. “I’ll find a spot for the tent while you take it easy for a bit.”

  “Sounds good.”

  He gets the tent out from his kayak and hands me more water. “You sit and hydrate.” He looks around. “A rock-free space isn’t going to be easy to find.”

  I look around as I guzzle half a bottle of water. I have to agree, there are a lot of rocks. I point toward the cave. “Look up by the cave. Maybe you can find some sand there?”

  He nods and heads out to find level, unrocky ground.

  I place my pack behind me, lie back, and rest my head on it as if it’s a pillow. I close my eyes and don’t open them until I feel a hand on my shoulder.

  I open my eyes.

  “Hey, you,” Tad says.

  I sit up and look around. I see the sun setting to the west. “I fell asleep. Why didn’t you wake me?”

  He smiles as he kneels next to me. “I tried. You told me to bug off.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No biggie.”

  But it is a biggie. I put myself at risk. I could have said something incriminating in my exhausted state. I blink several times, making sure my contacts haven’t slid off my irises.

  Tad stands. “Are you hungry?”

  “Staving.”

  “Kat made her famous veggie chili.”

  “Sounds like heaven. I’d eat a boiled shoe.”

  He laughs as he reaches for my hand.

  I take it, and he pulls me up.

  He grabs my pack. “You go eat. I’ll put this in the tent.”

  My world spins and I wobble.

  He catches me. “Are you okay?”

  “Yeah. I must have stood up too fast or something. Thanks, Tad, for the tent and everything.”

  “You don’t have to thank me. Are you sure you’re okay?” He bends down, picks up the water bottle, and hands it to me. “Finish drinking this.”

  I salute him. “Yes, sir.”

  He chuckles. “Go eat your shoe.”

  I finish the water and I make my way to the fire and food.

  “Smells wonderful, Kat.”

  She hands me a bowl. “You were out of it. We tried to wake you a couple of times. Are you okay?”

  I sit in a camp chair. “Yeah, I’m good.”

  She frowns. “You look a little green.”

  I finish chewing my first bite and shallow. “I do?”

  “You do,” Gary says.

  “I think my electrolytes are low. I’m a little dizzy.”

  “Here,” Ethan says and tosses me a bottle of sports drink.

  I catch it. “Thanks.”

  He nods.

  “Where’s Ronda?”

  “She went to bed.”

  I nod as I open the bottle and down half of it.

  “I’m going for a walk,” he tells us.

  “I’ll come with if you want,” Gary says.

  “No. I’m good.”

  Gary nods. “Okay.”

  We all watch as Ethan makes his way down the beach.

  “What’s up with him?” Kat asks.

  “Nothing,” Gary tells her. “That’s just Ethan. He can be a little—”

  “Moody,” I say.

  He nods.

  I finish my chili. “That was wonderful, Kat.”

  “That was fast. Do you want more? There’s plenty.”

  “No. I’m good.”

  She reaches for my bowl and I hand it to her.

  “You should go to bed.”

  I hold up my bottle of sports drink. “As soon as I drink this.”

  Tad joins us. “Here,” he says and hands me a sports drink.

  I hold up the bottle.

  “Looks like someone beat me to it.”

  “Ethan,” I tell him.

  “Of course he did.”

  “How about a game of cards?” Gary asks him.

  “No, I’m good. I think I’ll read for a bit.” He raises his brow a couple of times. “See you in a few.”

  I nod and watch him make his way to the tent.

  “Do you think he could have pitched it further,” Kat says sarcastically.

  Gary smiles. “So, you two are finally going to do it?”

  Kat bats the side of his head. “None of your business.”

  “No! We’re not g
oing to do it. I told him I’d share my tent, nothing more.”

  “Well, apparently he didn’t get the memo,” Kat says.

  “I’ll be sure to reissue it,” I tell her.

  “Why?” Gary asks. “He’s available. You’re available.”

  Kat shakes her head. “Sorry, Bri. I’ve tried to help the idiot, but when he’s been stupid for thirty-two years, I can’t bring him back to the smart side.”

  I chuckle.

  Gary scowls.

  I finish the sports drink and stand. “Off I go then. How old is Tad?”

  “I think he’s thirty,” Gary says.

  “Then maybe it’s not too late for him.”

  They laugh as I make my way toward the tent. Once I get there, I kneel and pull back the flap.

  Tad looks up from his book. His headlight shines in my eyes.

  “Nice light.”

  “You like?”

  “I do.” I look around the tent. “Have you seen my hoodie?”

  “Yeah. I put it next to your backpack.”

  I find it and pull it over my head.

  “Where are you going?”

  I remove a package of biodegradable wipes from my bag. “I have to pee.”

  He hands me a flashlight. “Here, take this.”

  I take it. “Thanks.”

  “Walk east and you’ll see a grove of trees.”

  “I remember seeing them. Kind of far away.”

  “Every girl I’ve ever gone camping with needed her privacy. And that usually meant far away.”

  “I’ll head that way.”

  “If you’re not back in thirty, I’ll come looking for you.”

  I nod, zip up the tent, and stand too fast again. Seeing stars, I close my eyes until they disappear. When my head stops spinning, I open my eyes and turn on the flashlight. I shine it around the camp, getting my bearings. Once I do, I begin walking toward the trees. After stumbling over several logs and rocks, I give up on the trees idea and head toward the cave. I pause when I reach the entrance. I’ve never liked exploring caves, especially in the dark, but my overfull bladder doesn’t seem to care about my phobia. I have to go, and it has to be now.

  I walk into the cave, flashing my light from side to side. I know a lot of these caves have bats. I’m not afraid of them; I just don’t want one to fly into me while I’m peeing.

  Several feet in, the cave splits into two. I go right and find it under a foot of water. I retreat and go back to the split and head left. I find it damp but not underwater. I look around and find a flat rock. I set my flashlight down, remove a wipe from the pack, and pull down my pants. I look around one last time before I squat and do my business. When I’m done, I stand and begin pulling up my pants.