A.K.A. Read online

  “Why?”

  “I’m sorry for what Mark said. I’d already told him about your engagement before you called and told me not to tell anyone. I had no clue he’d do what he did. It was petty and below the Mark I know.”

  “I hurt Mark years ago. I thought he’d forgotten about it. Apparently I was wrong.”

  “He told me what happened in high school.”

  She wipes more tears off her cheeks. “All these years and he’s never said anything to me. I thought all had been forgiven.”

  I put my hand on her shoulder. “I’m sorry, Vik.”

  She shrugs. “It’s not your fault.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Why did you lie?”

  “I don’t know. I was hoping to talk Ethan into marriage. And I’m sorry, Bri, but I’m jealous.”

  “Jealous?”

  “I’ve seen the way Ethan looks at you.”

  “I don’t—”

  She raises her hand. “I know you think you don’t care for him, but you can’t deny something’s brewing between you two.”

  I don’t know what to say, so I say nothing.

  “I lied to you. I led you to believe Ethan was keeping me up at night and that was the reason I was coming in late. The truth is he’s only spent the night twice. The second time, he cried out your name in his sleep.”

  “Sorry, I’m not following.”

  “He had a dream or nightmare. He was yelling your name and some other stuff I couldn’t understand. When I told him the next morning, he got mad and took off. He’s never spent the night since.”

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “You don’t need to say anything, Bri. I know I’ve treated you and everyone else like crap. I’m sorry for that. I just—I love him. It’s stupid, and I know it’s unreciprocated, but I do. I’m almost forty, Bri. I’m alone and afraid. Ethan… I don’t know. He’s a fantasy, I guess.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to take you home? I could walk with you.”

  She shakes her head. “No. I want to walk alone.”

  “Okay, then.”

  She nods, turns, and walks toward Rocky End.

  When she walks out of sight, I return to my log. I watch Kat wipe out and hear her laughter over the waves when she surfaces.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I see someone approaching. I turn my head and look down the beach. It’s Ethan coming my way. He’s a man on a mission. I can see it in his determined stance and swagger as he gets closer.

  I know I should be afraid of him. I should pack up and disappear, but I can’t. I know in my heart it’s here I will stay and make it work, or here I’ll lose it all. I can’t walk away from the life I’ve created and these friends I’ve made. I’m not going to let Ethan destroy this. I’m going to stand up, fight him if I have to.

  Ethan sits next to me without asking permission. Oddly, his proximity is comforting.

  Ethan’s emotional detachment has me concerned. I don’t think he’s a sociopath, but I do think he’s disturbed, or… I just don’t know.

  We sit in silence for several minutes. His muteness tells me he has nothing to say or he’s extending some kind of olive branch. It’s a clever move. He wants me to believe I have the upper hand. I have control over the situation.

  That’s exactly what I want him to believe. So I break the silence. “I think I owe you an apology.”

  His brow furrows as his pupils dilate. I’ve thrown him. He’s dumbfounded. His brain is grasping and clawing at my words. He’s trying to scratch out the meaning of them as his brain free falls. “Me? Why?”

  “Apologize for Mark.”

  “Mark? I… Wh-what?” His stutter tells me his brain hasn’t landed.

  “Vik called me last night. She asked if I’d keep your engagement to myself. She said you wanted to tell your daughter and family first. However, I’d already told Mark. I guess he couldn’t resist calling her out. It was payback for something rotten Vik did to him years ago.”

  “Payback?”

  “Yeah. It’s stupid and petty. But what can you do?”

  He looks away, out at the ocean. He’s still grasping. I sense he wants to talk about what happen between us, or he wants to confirm my story of having no memory.

  He turns and looks at me. “I’m sorry you got hurt.”

  “Hurt?”

  “On the trip. You fell and hit your head?”

  “Did I?”

  A slight stiffening of his shoulders is his only reaction. He’s good. I’ll give him a point. “That’s what you said.”

  “If that’s what I said, that’s what happened.”

  His expression is frozen as he stares at me.

  I turn my attention to our surfer friends as they begin to make their way to the shore.

  As they pick up their boards and walk our way, I turn my attention back to Ethan. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Sure.”

  “Did you give Vik reason to believe your intentions were heading toward marriage?”

  His lips thin out.

  “I only ask because I believe she’s genuinely heartbroken.”

  “This might sound harsh, but I told her at the beginning, the first time we hooked up, it was sex and nothing more. When I realized my words had gone in one ear and out the other, I reaffirmed my feelings. She told me she understood. She was on the same page. She obviously lied.”

  “She almost lost her job.”

  “Why?”

  “She was coming in late, or not showing at all.”

  “And you think it was my fault?” He shakes his head. “We fucked. Then I either went to work or home. I only spent the night once or twice.”

  “She led me to believe you or your relationship was the reason for her behavior.”

  “I don’t know what to tell you. I wouldn’t call what Vik and I had a relationship.”

  “Did you hurt her, physically?”

  His eyes go wide. “No, of course not. Did she tell you I did?”

  “No.”

  As our friends reach the shore, I know I need to step up my game. By the look on Tad’s face, I don’t know when we’ll see each other or talk again. “Do you have a picture of your daughter?”

  He looks genuinely surprised and something else I can’t identify.

  He takes out his wallet from the back pocket of his board shorts. He goes through it and removes two photos that seemed to be stuck together. He hands me the one on top.

  I take it. “Wow. A real photo. I can’t remember the last time I looked at one.”

  He shrugs. “I’m not allowed to see her. My wife—my ex-wife deleted all the photos I had on my phone and in cloud storage.”

  “I’m sorry,” I say truthfully.

  He shrugs it off.

  “It must be hard.”

  “What?”

  “Not seeing her.”

  He nods.

  I study the photo of a little girl with a button nose and the same color of hair as her dad’s. “She’s cute. Must take after her mother.”

  He laughs, and this time it’s beautiful. And for just a moment, I see him in a different light. I see him as a father. I see him as vulnerable.

  I hand it back. “She really is pretty.”

  He nods.

  Tad clears his throat, breaking off our conversation. He unzips his wetsuit and grabs a towel off a nearby rock. “You two look cozy.”

  “We are,” Ethan replies.

  I frown at both of them.

  “How was it?” Ethan asks Gary when he and Kat join us.

  “Cold.”

  I throw Kat her towel. “Exactly why you’ll never get me out there. It’s too damn cold.”

  Kat dries her hair and ties it up in the towel. “I’m a better surfer in cold water for that reason. Motivation to stay up.”

  I laugh.

  Gary strips off his suit and then looks around. “Vik, go home?”

  “Yea
h. She took off,” Ethan tells him. “She’s not too happy with me.”

  “She has no right to be mad at you, dude,” Gary says.

  “So it’s true. She made the engagement up?” Kat asks.

  Ethan nods, looking slightly uncomfortable.

  “Why?” Kat asks.

  “Don’t know,” Ethan tells her.

  Gary huffs. “She crazy. That’s why.”

  Mark joins us. “I don’t know about you guys, but I could use a beer.”

  “Sounds good to me,” Gary says.

  They grab their boards, and we begin our trek to Rocky End.

  “Forget the beer,” Kat says. “Hot tea sounds more like it.”

  “Little pussy,” Gary teases.

  “My pussy is not little,” she tells him.

  We laugh.

  “I didn’t mean that. I meant—”

  We continue to laugh at her faux pas.

  She huffs and hands Gary her board. “For that, you can carry my board.”

  We continue to laugh.

  She huffs again and walks ahead of us. “Why do I even bother,” she yells back at us.

  Gary is laughing so hard he can’t handle both boards.

  Ethan grabs one. “Let me help you with that.”

  Tad and Ethan evil eye each other before they follow.

  Mark shakes his head as he trails behind them.

  Gary and I bring up the rear.

  He shakes his head my way. “God, Bri. Would you just make up your mind?”

  “My mind?”

  “They’re both in love with you, and I’m caught in the middle of two friends who don’t like each other.”

  “Ethan is anything but in love with me.”

  “If you think that, you’re the only one.”

  I let him walk ahead of me, bringing our conversation to an end. Clearly, I have to do something. I just don’t know what.

  Mark comes out of the house and stands next to my hammock.

  I look up from my book. “You off?”

  “Yeah. I’ll call when I get to Seattle.”

  “I’d appreciate that.”

  “I hate leaving you alone.”

  “I’ll be fine.”

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come?”

  “Positive.”

  He raises his brow twice. “It could be fun.”

  “Get the hell out of here,” I say and hit his skinny ass with my book.

  He smiles. “All right. I’m out of here. See you in a week.”

  “In a week,” I answer and watch him walk through the sliding door, shutting it behind him. He waves and blows me a kiss.

  I roll my eyes, and he laughs.

  “Go,” I mouth.

  He grins and disappears.

  I open my book and finish the chapter. At the end of the forth chapter, I shut my book and lay it on the deck. Then I adjust the hammock and close my eyes.

  “Bri?”

  I start awake, nearly falling out of the hammock. “What the…? Tad?”

  He smiles. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

  I look at my watch. Three hours.

  “I tried calling you.”

  “I turned my phone off.” I sit up and swing my legs off the hammock. “Why are you here? I thought you’d be halfway to Portland by now.”

  “I was halfway to Portland. I got a text. My meeting was cancelled, so I turned around.”

  “Oh.”

  His smile wilts.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. Mark’s spending the week with his latest and greatest, and I was looking forward—”

  “To being alone.”

  I nod. “I love Mark, but he can be a bit… overwhelming.”

  “I picked up some Chinese food. I can leave it.”

  “Don’t be silly.” I hold out my hand. “Help me up.”

  He takes my hand and pulls me up.

  I open the sliding door and Tad follows me into the kitchen.

  “Smells good,” I say and begin to remove containers from the takeout bag. “Did you remember—”

  “The pot stickers. Of course I remembered.”

  I pull out a chair and sit at the table.

  Tad gets plates down from the cabinet and hands me one.

  I take it. “Thanks.”

  “I bought a bottle of chardonnay.” He holds it up.

  “I’ll pass.”

  “It’s your favorite,” he singsongs.

  I give in. “Okay. One glass.”

  He opens the wine, fills a glass, and hands it to me.

  “You’re not having any?”

  He holds up a bottle of beer. “After I finish this.”

  I remove all the containers, the chopsticks, and the fortune cookies. I hand him chopsticks.

  “Thanks.”

  I nod as I open a fortune cookie and read my fortune.

  He shakes his head.

  “What?”

  “Aren’t you supposed to read it afterwards?”

  “I like to read it first and think about it during the meal.”

  He grins as he loads his plate with food. “So, what did it say?”

  “‘You learn from your mistakes. You will learn a lot today.’”

  “Seriously?”

  I nod and hand it to him.

  He reads it and shakes his head.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.”

  I hand him a cookie, he takes it, opens it, reads it, and frowns.

  “What?”

  He reads it. “‘Be on the lookout for coming events. They case their shadows beforehand.’”

  “Uplifting,” I tease.

  He picks up his beer, takes a sip, and then tilts the bottle my way. “Are you going to drink that?”

  I inwardly roll my eyes as I pick up the glass and take a sip.

  We eat for several minutes in silence.

  Tad breaks the silence. “Did you eat all the stickers?”

  I look in the container. “One left,” I say and pick it up with my chopsticks. I reach for his plate.

  He lifts it.

  “On second thought,” I say and take a bite.

  He smirks and shakes his head. “I think it was Mark who needed some space.”

  “You’re probably right.”

  I finish my wine and he grabs the bottle. “More?”

  “Why not.”

  He refills it.

  “So what was the meeting about?”

  “The cancelled meeting?”

  I nod as I chew my food.

  “A new start-up in Cleveland.”

  I swallow. “What kind?”

  “App for the medical field.”

  “It must be competitive. The app field in general.”

  “It is.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “What?”

  “Funding start-ups.”

  “I love it. It’s my money, but I don’t have to do the work.”

  “So you don’t miss running your own business?”

  “Not at all. It was super high pressure.”

  “You don’t have to answer if I’m out of line, but what did April do?”

  He hesitates.

  “Sorry, I was—”

  “No. Don’t be. She was an engineer.”

  “You must have had lots to talk about.”

  “Why?”

  “Being in the same field.”

  “Yeah, we did. My field was mechanical, hers computer, but they had similarities. She worked at Intel. The last two years in management. Why do you ask?”

  “It’s just… To be honest, I still don’t get why you’re into me. You’re a smart, successful, nice-looking guy. I’m a divorced waitress slash bartender slash manager.”

  “Is that all you are?”

  I swallow my wine. “Yeah. I think so. I got married right out of high school, never went to college.”

  He lays his chopsticks on his plate. “I didn’t mean it like that. I meant you’re int
elligent, funny, and beautiful. And I don’t care what you do for a living, I want you.”

  I put down my wine glass. “About that. I think you’re great, Tad, but I’m not—”

  “Into me?”

  “I’m sorry, Tad.” The hurt and angry look on his face makes me pause and think about my words. “I moved here to start over and…”

  “What?”

  “I’ve done the relationship, marriage thing, and I can’t do it again.”

  “I don’t believe you. It’s Ethan, isn’t it?”

  “What? No.”

  “Come on, Bri. Let’s be honest. You like him.”

  I pick up my glass and down the remaining wine.

  He sits back in his chair, folding his arms over his chest.

  “Okay. I’ll admit I have feelings for him. But I’m not going to act on them. Things between Ethan and I are…”

  “So there is something between you two.”

  “I didn’t mean it like that. Look, I really think you’re a great guy, just not my guy. Like I just said. I’m never going there again. I’m just… I’m not… I don’t… I can’t…” I close my eyes as a wave of nausea and confusion washes over me.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I open my eyes. “I can’t.” I blink. “You’re—everything is fuzzy. I don’t feel so good.” I slump forward, my face inches away from my plate.

  Tad jumps up, grabs me by the shoulders, and pulls me back into a seated position. “What’s wrong, Bri? You look sleepy.”

  My eyelids feel as if I’m wearing lead eye shadow. “I am. My eyes are so heavy.”

  Tad pulls out my chair and picks me up.

  “What are you doing?”

  “I’m laying you down.”

  My head flops to the side as he carries me down the hallway. He pushes the door open with his foot.

  “I don’t think—”

  “You don’t need to think, Bri. I’ll take care of everything.” He lays me down on the bed. “Close your eyes, my dear. I’m going to take real good care of you.” He makes a cross over his heart. “Cross my heart.”

  I force my lids open. “This isn’t… right.”

  “Don’t fight me, Bri.”

  Oh. My. God. “It was… you. You drugged me. The trip… the water.”

  “Yes, it was me.”

  “Why?”

  “Because you left me no choice. Putting me off. Pushing me away.”

  “I push everyone away.”

  “Not Ethan.”

  “That’s not true. I….” My brain freezes.

  “This time I got the dose right. You have a high drug tolerance, my dear. You messed things up for us. I told you to go pee in the trees. You went into the cave. We could have had so much fun. You would have woken up in my arms with a smile on your face, begging for more, my dear.”